I froze. In the eyes of the person looking directly at me, there was no fear or disgust. There was nothing in them but interest; kind curiosity. I felt something I had never known before; it hadn’t occurred to me that something like this could exist. Something passed between us; a thread formed. I saw something of myself in those eyes.

It was an overwhelming sensation. Something inside me stirred, something melted, dissolved, and gently spread. Suddenly, I became aware of the cold that had accompanied me until now; it penetrated me and tightly enveloped me. The void within me and in the world began to fill. Soft sounds emerged.

The feeling was building. Slowly at first, then faster. I remained still, but it became increasingly difficult to stay calm. In the eyes of the small and defenseless person looking at me, there was also a shadow of unease. She shuddered suddenly. That’s when I saw her whole face. Round, small. I discerned her entire expression, the evident fear, the desire to flee. Then the warmth that had been gently spreading boiled over. The liquid substance evaporated with a hiss, urging me to jump, strike, inflict pain – crush that defenseless little face, tear it to pieces. It was an overpowering desire, a condition of fulfillment and solace, a promise of pure ecstasy. But I didn’t do it. I tore my gaze away from the innocent, now mortally terrified face and ran away. I hid in a corner, in an itching pain that would not subside. A crack remained in the icy void.

Let no one think these are empty poetic metaphors. That’s exactly how it was.